Muffin Mission
by C. Sahdi
Summary: The Good, The Bad, and The Muffins. Dedicated to FireDemon!
1. A Need For Muffins

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters!!!!

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We find our beloved pilot of the Deathscythe waking up at the crack of noon:

::Sound of an alarm clock::

"I don't wanna get up!"  Duo groaned as he rolled over to shut off the alarm clock.  He scanned his room for a pair of pants and a shirt.  Duo flopped out of bed and picked up some rumpled pants and put them on.  He grabbed a shirt of his way to the bathroom while untying his braid.  While he combed out his hair he could hear Wufei screaming at something downstairs.

"KUSO!  THIS IS UNJUST!  YOU STUPID PAN!!"  he screeched.  Duo couldn't help but grin.  Then he sang,

"Wu-man is making breakfast.  Wu-man is making breakfast!."  Duo re-braided his braid and as fast as he silently could, padded down the stairs.  When he got downstairs he a blast of warm air hit him and it smelled like;

"MUFFINS!!!!!!!!!!!"  Duo shrieked.  He sprinted into the kitchen just in time to see Wufei pulling out a fresh batch of muffins.  Duo noticed how the muffins where textured, the heat rising from them, and the darkness of their outer muffiness.  He also however noticed Wufei's sword and table next to the muffins.  And how Wufei was now sitting beside the sword that was beside the muffins.  As Duo was drooling at the sight of them Wufei was looking at his sword thoughtfully.  

"Take one step into this kitchen Maxwell and the braid will be off your head in about three seconds…." Wufei drawled.  Instantly Duo grabbed for his braid and hightailed it out of the kitchen.  

"Aw man!  Wu-man is going to guard those muffins all day just to piss me off."  Duo looked over his shoulder to the kitchen door.  As Duo was grumbling, Quatra walked by and into the kitchen.

"Oh, Wufei, you made muffins today.  That was nice of you.  May I sample one."  Quatra spoke, and through the door Duo could make out sounds that Wufei was dishing out one for Quatra.  

"WHAT!?!  This is unfair!  He gives Quatra one and not me!"  Duo was in a muffin-frenzied rage.  As Duo was ranting and raving the other two pilots walked passed him, one looked at him with the all-mighty-famous-death-glare and the other had a look of pure fear.  ::AN that is for how scared he does get….:: As Heero walked by he grabbed Duo's braid pinned it to a wall.  

"Duo, shut up!  You are making a scene and it is a freaking goddamn muffin.  Get over it!"  Heero glared at him.  Duo just whimpered and watched Heero and Trowa walk into the kitchen.  Posting himself at the door he could also hear that Wufei was giving them muffins.  Then he heard them leave all licking their fingers from the muffin's fresh gooiness.  

                "Screw this.  I want a muffin and I am going to get one!"  Duo whispered to himself.  Then he took a deep breath and ran into the kitchen.  He blasted into the kitchen and found that no one was there and the muffins where left un-attended.  

"Jackpot!"  Duo cheered as quietly as he could.  He crept up on the muffins like a tiger does an antelope.  Right when he was about to pounce on them he saw a shadow creep up behind him.  

"GET AWAY FROM MY MUFFINS!" Wufei screamed, as he pinned Duo's shirt to the table with his sword, so he couldn't get away.  Wufei then grabbed a pair of scissors getting ready to chop off Duo's braid.  Luckily the others heard this and ran into help the poor muffin crazed Duo.  With the three pilots pulling together, they managed to get Wufei off of Duo.  Then they had to get the muffins away from Duo.  When finished with their work they kicked Duo out of the kitchen and locked the door.  Keeping the precious muffins safe.  

                As Duo pouted at the lost of his muffin, he tromped up to his room.  Once in it, he began digging around in his closet, looking for something to do.  While looking a brilliant idea hit him.  Literally.  An old leather bag hit him on the head.

"Fudge knuckle!" Duo cried in pain.  He opened it to reveal a lock picking set.  Duo grinned evilly.  

"Mission Accepted, Shinagami shall have his muffins…" 

~*So how did you like it?  *evil music plays in the background*  Should Duo get the muffins or not?!  R&R!  I know this probably really sucks so I brought my all-mighty bag of *whips out a bag*  MARSHMALLOWS!  The greatest thing to roast over flames.  ^_^  so R&R, do I leave the story as it is or do I continue it?  I g2 jet!  Ja ne and Arigato!  Maiden Sahdi*~


	2. Duo's Muffins?

Disclaimer:  I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters!  

[AN:  I would like to thank the academy…. I mean FireDemon, Ice Eyes for helping me cook up some ideas to put in here and I would also like to thank Kiyo for helping me put it into a story line, pulling a bunch of ideas and rolling them up into a story.  There is also a brief appearance of a few authors I know, so be prepaid!  ^_^  I really hope you enjoy!  R&R!]

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                "Mission Accepted, Shinigami shall have his muffins.."  Duo cackled evilly,  taking out all of the lock picks and started to sort through the ones that would fit in the kitchen door lock.  

"Hm… this one would work.  Come on where is it!"  Duo started to throw picks around the room in a muffin-crazed tantrum.  

"WHERE IS IT DAMN IT!"  Duo started to curse has he looked for the perfect lock pick for the kitchen.  What did you expect from Duo.  If he wants a midnight snack he is going to get it no mater what it takes.  Reason being he was throwing such a temper tantrum.  

"Whew, ok Duo-man, where is the last time you saw that pick."  He wondered out loud, "Let's see.  I used it to stir my hot chocolate last week… um… I used it to break into Wufie's room so I could paint it neon pink on Tuesday….AH HA!"  Duo wheeled around and started rummaging through his closet again.  

"Come on, I know you are here Mr. Pickie…."  he mumbled.  Upon saying this he looked up into the deep depths of his closet.  

"HA!  I FOUND IT, YOU NASTEY LITTLE BUGGER!"  Duo squealed in joy.  He ran into Heero's room and grabbed his swivel chair.  Running back to the safety of his room, he clambered up on the chair and took down the can of neon pink paint that had a pick taped to the top.

"Hello Mr. Pickie.."  Duo giggled as he tried to get the pick out from under the tape.  While fumbling, you must remember, our very own God of Death is on a swivel chair.  Giggling wildly Duo started to dance on the chair.  

"I found it, I found it!  Now to go and break into the kitchen for my-" *THUMP!*  Duo came flying off the chair and the can of paint on his head, knocking him into a cavern of darkness.

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                Mean while, back down stairs the other four pilots where talking about how Duo had been acting.

"You guys that was very mean and I think we should all apologies to him and-" Quatra started to say but was cut off by Wufei.

"INJUSTIC!  MY MUFFINS!  NOT HIS!  MINE, MINE, MINE!" Wufei started to scream but was silenced by a glare from Mr. Grumpy himself.

"Would you just shut up about the muffins Wufei!  The only think I am worried about is Duo as been quiet for over an hour." Heero glared, "That is what you should be worried about."

"Psh.  What could that longhaired moron do.  He is weak, I am not.  I will keep my muffins safe!"  Wufei grumbled.  Heero snickered.

"You mean you weren't upset over the pink paint accident that he pulled a few days ago.  He was quiet for a hour and a half.  That was disastrous.  I am going to check on him."  Heero said over his back as he made his way up the stairs.

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                Duo being knocked out for so long was now having muffins appear in his dreams.  

"Come my muffin men, we shall storm the ranks, destroy all who comes in our way!"  Duo mumbled.  In his dreams he watched his little muffin men line up in a formation, all of them with their muffin shooters ready to break in to that sacred kitchen.  Then the great Eve herself walked up to Duo with a clipboard at hand.

"Sir, they are ready to take on the enemy.  They have been briefed on how to attack and what their mission objectives are."  Firedemon saluted Duo and stepped away.  

"CHARGE!!!!!"  Duo screamed in his dream.

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                Heero climbed up the stairs as fast as he could on hearing Duo scream.  He knew it wasn't a scream that he was afraid… What Heero had just heard was Duo's famous maniacal scream.  When he reached Duo's room he opened the door and found him face up on the floor and was obviously out for the count.  Heero knelt over Duo checking to see if he was all right.

"Duo?  Duo, can you hear me?  Hey, Duo!  Earth to-"  Heero's eyes popped out of his head has Duo had his hand around his throat.  Heero started to scream as the little muffin men started running out of the room and down the stairs.  

"THE MUFFINS SHALL BE MINE!  I CAN HOLD HIM OFF!  CHARGE MEN!  CHARGE!!!"  Duo started to scream has he beat on the Japanese boy under him.   Heero screeched as the little muffin men started running out of the room and down the stairs.  

Heero's thoughts:  WHAT THE FUCK!

Duo's thoughts:  MINE MINE MINE!

Duo then pulled out a piece of rope and tied up Heero and shoved a paintbrush into his mouth.

"Bye bye now Heero"  Duo patted his head and ran down stairs yelling to his muffin men.

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The remaining three-gundam pilots where now wondering what the hell was going on.  Soon the little pitter-patters of feet came.  And they weren't children….  

"What the hell!"  Trowa started to mutter as the door burst open.  Whirlwinds of brown hair streaked pass him, knocking him over.  After Hurricane Duo had passed the braided terror's muffin minions scuttled over him.  He then felt something heavy fall on him and he looked up to see a bewildered Quatra on him.

"THE MUFFINS ARE MINE!!!"  Duo bellowed.  He then took the liberty of tying the two of them together and then to a chair.  

"Duo, are you o…okay.."  Quatra was asked softly.   

Narrator: You know Quatra.  If Duo would have let him go on… Well it is a good think that he didn't…

"BWHAHAHAHAHA!"  Duo screeched as he poured the gallon of neon pink paint over their heads.  Duo, still cackling, bounded up to the last boy in the room who was madly clutching his muffins.

"Y..you can't h..h…have them.."  Wufie trembled before Duo's gaze.  

"I think I can!"  Duo said as he attacked Wufie.  Fei in defense threw the muffins in the air and hightailed it out of there.  Duo chased him and was closing on his tail.  Fei rounded a corner and skidded to a dead stop.

"Shit, Fuck, Damn it!"  he cursed.  He had just run into the coat closet.   A shadow passed in front of the light and he turned around to see Duo grinning like an idiot.  

"GET HIM BOYS!"  Duo said as his little muffin men ran and tackled Wufei.  Duo cackled as he closed the door on the screaming Wufei.  

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                On a air of victory, Duo carried himself to the kitchen to finally have a delectable muffins.  He opened up the kitchen door to find that there was four girls eating his muffins.  

"WHAT!"  He only knew two of the girls the other two….  "EVA!  CARI!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"  The four girls grinned in unison.

"Duo, these are my friends" Eva started to point out different people.  "The long haired brunette is Jezz, the red haired one is Kaitzi and the blonde one is Cari.  But you all ready knew her, and of course I am Eva."  She smiled as Duo gaped at her.

"My muffins!"  Duo stammered but instantly grew happy as Jezz handed him one.  He greedily gulped it down and started to reach for everyone else's.  "MUST HAVE MUFFINS!!  ALL MUFFINS MINE!"  Duo screech.  Just then a large amount of men in white coats came in with a straight jacket and tied up Duo.  All the girls just laughed as Duo started to foam at the mouth.  The men in the white suits pulled Duo out of the room and brought him to see a shrink… er, doctor.  

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                Everyone was freed from their… predicaments that Duo had put them in.  All that is except for Wufei.  He was covered in Duo's small muffin men, locked in the closet.  All that could be heard from him was;

"Do you know the muffin man… Do you know muffin man…"

~*So what did ya think.  I hate it.  So come one people, make me feel better and review.  ^_^  This goes out to all those wonderful people who reviewed before!  Ice Eyes… I hope I spelled you name right.  *cringes*  if I didn't gomenasi!  But R&R people!  Tell other about it!  I accept flames!  *is roasting marshmallows on her last flame* ^_^  Arigato and ja ne!  Maiden Sahdi*~


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